Looking back on 2009, I think this is the year I’ve changed the most. I’ve grown so much in this past year, met some amazing people, gone through college apps and the stress of thinking that my whole life is determined through an application, learned about myself through the essay process, started going to Cornerstone Bible Church; God has blessed me in so many ways.
Yet I’ve also experienced heartache, depression, fear, the feeling of being unworthy; but I’m slowly learning to trust God more and less on myself. Pastor James said something last week that really hit me. We go through these heartaches and hardships not to get stronger or for the betterment of ourself. It’s so that God can pour out his grace and mercy to us and show his amazing power and love.
For some reason, this New Year’s day feels different to me. It’s usually the same old every year – another year passes and we’re onto the next. This time, it’s a whole other feeling. This year, I’ll be going into the unknown. I don’t know where I’ll be accepted for college, I don’t know what I’ll be doing in 9 months, I don’t know who my roommate will be, I don’t know who I’ll meet in my dorms, I don’t know how hard it’ll be for me to adjust to the new environment, I don’t know how much I’ll miss my family and friends, I don’t know what it’ll be like to be independent. I’m going into this year, mostly scared, but determined.
I’m scared for the friendships I’ll make, and the ones I may lose. I’m scared for this whole other world that I’ll be stepping into where I’ll have to open myself more. I’m scared that I’ll never figure out what I want to do with my life, and that it’ll all be a waste. I’m scared that I’ll fall away from God. I’m scared for change. I’m scared of rejection, both from colleges and people.
I’m determined to make the most of the next 9 months before school starts. I’m determined to make amends with people I may not have the best relationships with, or the people I’ve lost touch with. I’m determined to grow in God and learn more and more about him in love. I’m determined to spend time with my family and friends before I leave for college.
I realize that college isn’t going to happen for many months, but I know that time will pass by quickly.
So here’s to 2010. Let’s hope for the best. =)