A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks. I graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from the University of California this past Saturday, June 14 at 8am. My family was able to be there, except for Beatrice and Joseph, and I’m so thankful that they came. Thank you to Rachel and David for risking your health and sacrificing time off from work to make the long drive down. I honestly appreciate it so much. And thank you to Mom, Dad, and Beth for driving down at such an early hour to see me graduate. Bea and Joe – I know how much you wanted to be there, but thank you for supporting me these past four years. I couldn’t have done any of this without you all.
It is still surreal to me that I am done with my undergraduate career for good. Even though I still plan on taking classes, it’s pretty insane to be leaving a place I called home for four years. And now, I’m off to a world of the unknown. Who knows what path God will take me to next? I am in the process of applying for graduate schools for Occupational Therapy soon, but I’m praying that wherever it is that God leads me, that I would be open, willing, and ready.
I’m not going to lie, I feel quite a big burden from my parents to have a plan and know where I’m going in life. It’s been financially tough on my family for the past couple years, and now is one of the hardest times for them. Yesterday was the first full day I was at home and it already started of rather terribly. My mom has been pretty stressed financially and I think she kind of took out that anger on Beth on I the other day. She was acting rather unreasonably and saying pretty hurtful things .. and I know she didn’t mean all of what she said, but it was pretty difficult to hear her say those things.
My mom was implying that she had absolutely no faith in us to be independent, find a job, or do anything productive in life. The words stung. Hard. It was the first time I’ve really bawled like that in a long time. Beth and I became emotionally distraught, cried, stormed out the house and went on a walk, talked out our frustrations, felt better, came back, and ended up bawling again part dos.
In the end, Rachel’s words to us were simple: Sometimes Mom and Dad might make it seem like their love for us is based on what we do or how successful we are, and that should make the gospel even more real to us, knowing that God’s love for us is not performance-based. We should find comfort in this. Remember that we shouldn’t see what Mom does as a direct reflection of the gospel necessarily, because of course Mom is flawed too. Don’t let that be an indicator of your self-worth, because our identity is in Christ alone.
It’s so hard to remember this, especially in moments when you can hear the tone of disappointment, anger or frustration spilling from their words and actions. I pray that in those moments, Christ would help me to be loving, slow to anger, conscious of my words, and remind me of the gospel.
I pray for direction, patience, and guidance in this next chapter of my life.