It’s been a rough past week as I try to figure out what I’m going to be doing for the next couple years of my life. I actually broke down crying today because I’ve been so stressed and anxious. I wake up early now because as soon as I wake up, I think about all the things I have to do and just can’t sleep anymore.
I’m overwhelmed. I’m exhausted. I’m scared.
This next year or so of my life will probably one of the toughest, most challenging years for me. I’m going to be studying for the GRE this summer, taking classes, applying for grad schools, and looking for a job. There are so many uncertainties and unknowns in terms of where God is going to be leading me, but I pray that wherever it is that He takes me, I be willing and open to respond to whatever situation He places me in.
I’ve decided to apply for two schools this year for OT – USC and San Jose State University. I won’t be applying for Loma Linda or Cal State Dominguez Hills because they require that I finish the prerequisite courses by December. However, if I take the courses at a community college, I won’t be able to finish in time (Chemistry in the summer, Anatomy in the fall, and Physiology in the spring). I do have the option of taking it at Loma Linda, but it’s a lot more expensive ($1,300 per class as opposed to $250 per class). The reason I only chose USC And SJSU is also because the commuting will not be as costly as the other options for schools. If I were to go to USC, it would take 15-30 minutes to commute, and if I were to go to SJSU, it would take about the same amount of time. If I don’t get in, I’ll going to apply next year.
I’m quite frightened by the idea that I’m applying to so few schools than what I had originally planned. I feel an enormous sense of pressure to help my parents pay for finances, and so I feel an even greater pressure to start school as soon as possible so that I may start working and begin paying off my debt. I just hope that throughout this process, I’ll remember that my parents’ approval isn’t what’s most important or that if things don’t go according to plan that I am a failure. I need to remind myself of the gospel and what He’s already done for me, a sinful being.
I’ve noticed that with the stress, I’ve become easily irritated and easily angered. I don’t feel as joyful and I become easily distressed, and this has taken a toll on my relationships with my family. I notice that I am quick to accuse and automatically give very impatient responses. Praying for patience and peace in my heart and that I may be able to love those around me. Holy Spirit, change my heart.
God, You are sovereign. Whatever happens, I pray that I would remember that You are in control of my life, and I pray that I will entrust my life to You. Take the reins, Lord … I pray for comfort, peace, and rest in knowing that You are faithful. You provide every need in Christ.
A few verses talking about God’s faithfulness that Rachel recommended for me to meditate on:
Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.”
Philipians 4:19 “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”
Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
James 1:2 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.”
Psalm 34:8-9 “Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Fear the Lord, you his holy people, for those who fear him lack nothing.”
Lamentations 3:22-23 “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”